Dating guide
Selecting the best profile picture is of course important. And although your friends think it’s oh so funny seeing you throw up after that party last Saturday, you might want to not use that…
Use a a recent picture where you’re looking good, maybe even have a girl pick it out for you. She will know what will be your best profile picture. Consider picking a picture doing sports or being around women – that’ll make you look pre-selected and that’s not a minus.
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Do:
- SMILE and look into the camera
- NOT smile and look away from the camera
- Be around friends, other girls etc, but preferably alone
- Look active
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DONT:
- Put on a weird face
- Blur or crop out other people in the profile picture. It’s like saying that this is the ONLY decent picture ever taken of you, so you had to cut out your friend or X-girlfriend (even worse!).
- Put on your flirty-face and look away from the camera.
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Notice that if you put on a “flirty face”, then you get more response by NOT having eye contact with the camera. This is the exact opposite if you’re looking away from the camera with a flirty face – I think this must be down to looking mysterious?
Results from “OKcupid” who specializes in online dating:
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ONE photo doesn’t do it, though. There’s is a big opportunity to come across as attractive if you play it well. Read how to do that in Step 2, adding the “correct” Facebook photo albums!
Showing the right Facebook albums is important – you should add some more pictures if you want to tune FB into an online dating machine! If you have a serious looking model picture, that’s fine, but even more important are pictures doing sports, having fun, being social and travelling if you want to have success in this whole online dating game...
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Here’s some photo albums I have found work really well in online dating:
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- Travelling. Never fails, girls love this
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- You doing sports and being active
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- Pictures showing you’re popular. Friends laughing at your jokes etc and you being the centre of attention
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- Money/ success. A bit tricky, as you don’t want to look like you’re showing off, but try to give the impression that you’re doing well and are living the life you always wanted. I hope you are although that’s another story!
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This is a very minor tweak, but it’s extremely important if you want to focus on dating. Remember all those times you’ve seen a profile with one picture? It just doesn’t work – if you’re thinking dating then you should show that as well.
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Now that we fixed your Facebook albums, you should look at your basic information.
You have some fields to fill out in the “about me” section on your profile.
First, DO NOT set your status to single. No need to put the fact that you’re on and off with your ex-girlfriend on your “business card” either. Just leave it. Second, set your “looking for” status to “friendship“. Although you are looking for dates then stay away from putting “dating” in the box of things you’re looking for. No need to look needy – this will make women want to make a better impression on you!
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I have my birthyear listed – no need to hide that. I believe that NOT showing the year in which you were born sends a signal of insecurity and being overly vain.
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Here’s a fine example of what NOT to write – it only lacks the “whatever I can get” to be a total turn off:
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Top it off with something fun and slightly self ironic in the “about me” field!
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After tuning this section – it’s time to have a look at a few dating applications!
Dating applications on Facebook are plenty and this is by far the easiest way to start dating online. AND – it’s free 
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Facebook has several applications for this use and there are more being added each week. Basically, the applications help singles looking for a date find each other and the most popular are “Are you interested”, “Zoosk” etc and this is where it’s at!
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I’ll go into depth with each one of these online dating tools. I’m still adding them as I get to test them – and they’re popping up all over!
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So far, you can see my take on Zoosk and Are you interested?.
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Bottom line – if you have any experience with online dating, then they’re somewhat straight forward. Press “yes” on a picture and you’re up and running. But don’t be fooled, you still need to optimize your strategy for each one of them (wow, it sounds like we’re running a business here) and getting to know them can take a little while.
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Having added your dating applications, your work is far from done. What you want to do now… is to start a conversation!
Dating applications on Facebook are plenty and this is by far the easiest way to start dating online. AND – it’s free .
Facebook has several applications for this use and there are more being added each week. Basically, the applications help singles looking for a date find each other and the most popular are “Are you interested”, “Zoosk” etc and this is where it’s at!
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I’ll go into depth with each one of these online dating tools. I’m still adding them as I get to test them – and they’re popping up all over!
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So far, you can see my take on Zoosk and Are you interested?.
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Bottom line – if you have any experience with online dating, then they’re somewhat straight forward. Press “yes” on a picture and you’re up and running. But don’t be fooled, you still need to optimize your strategy for each one of them (wow, it sounds like we’re running a business here) and getting to know them can take a little while.
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Having added your dating applications, your work is far from done. What you want to do now… is to start a conversation!
Starting the conversation is the next step. And it’s a big step! This is essential stuff that all other “how to date online guides” don’t mention. Remember, you still have to stand out and open the conversation, so stay away from “you clicked yes on me, you want to go for coffee?”
You need to build rapport (to be in “sync” with someone) and you need to demonstrate value before this – and this starts with a good opener!
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Exactly like in a bar where you start a conversation with an important first sentence or two. Try opening with something that really stands out and begs for a reply. Be a little cocky, be a little funny. If you have access to her profile or pictures, then try to blend this in.
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DO:
- Be funny and comment on her picture
- Be cocky (and comment on her picture)
- Be nice, but not too nice
- Let her know she is interesting because of her activities, personality or similar
- Ask a question so she will have to get back to you
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DONT:
- Say the same everyone else does
- Comment on her looks (unless she’s not THAT hot – then it works)
- Invite her out
- Just say “Hi”, as this will leave her with the easy option of not replying
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Some of the stuff that has worked for me in online dating when starting a conversation are these openers:
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If she is looking away from the camera:
“Hi XXX, this is my special email for those afraid of looking into the camera – have you always been like this? “
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If she is wearing sunglasses:
“Hi XXXXX. Here’s my special hello for girls who always wear sun glasses. Are you one of those that wear them inside as well??”
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If her profile picture is black/ white:
“Hi XXXX, here’s my special gift for people who can’t afford a color camera. Did it cheer you up a little?”
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If she isn’t smiling (happens often):
“Hi XXXX, here’s my special hello for girls who never have fun and never smiles. Did it help?”
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She is pictured in a nightclub:
“Hi XXXX, here’s my special hello for girls who goes out ALL the time”
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She is pictured with a couple of other girls:
“Hi XXXX, here’s my special hello for girls who only hang out with girls and are not interested in guy-friends”
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She is pictured with a guy:
“Hi XXXX, here’s my special hello for girls who has a picture with their boyfriend!”
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Yes, I know – these are cocky, but that normally works best for me. If you think it’s too much, then just add a and you’re good to go.
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Having said hello is one thing – after that it’s time to figure out what to talk to girls about!
What to actually say to a girl once she replies – that’s the trick. Actually, this is where you demonstrate value and after the opener it is time for your routines, stories; basically the “material” that will make you a success in online dating.
At some point you will like to know what she does for a living and all that – and trust me, there are MANY lame comments out there, so be the one who stands out with interesting questions and great routines.
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What I talk to girls about is normally what they do, where they’re from, what their favorite bar is. EXTREMELY boring! But I have a take on it…. and this is really good:
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Normal conversation:
Guy: Where do you live?
Girl: I live in Tribeca, New york. You?
Guy: I live in Queens. What do you do for a living?
Girl: I’m an accountant. And you?
Guy: I’m a programmer…….
Girl: OK
Guy: Uhmm, so, you come here often?
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I have had that conversation so many times in online dating. And it’s so embarrasing! Here’s what you could do – turn every question into a quiz:
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Guy: I was thinking about asking you were you live, but I think I can guess it! Can I try?
Girl: hehe, sure!
Guy: Okay, let’s see – judging from your picture and the way you spell…hmmm… from (some really dodgy neighbourhood)?
Girl: Noooo, come oooon!
Guy: Okay. Manhattan.
Girl: u got it
Guy: Now you guess where I live. 10 points if you get it
Girl: 10 points? For what?
Guy: Uhm – let’s say at 50 you can buy me coffee!
Girl: haha, ok -Manhattan too?
Guy: WHAAAAAT? No way, I got more class than that…
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This goes on for a while. She starts to get interested and want’s to know more about you. She asks:
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Girl: Hey, what do you do for a living?
Guy: haha, here we go again! I’m sure you can guess this one – it involves guitars! (or whatever)
Girl: Hmmm – musician?
Guy: Nope, not quite there… blablablabl
Guy: Hey, let me guess what you do – another 10 points up for grabs. Truck driver?
Girls. Noooo!
Guy: Okay, okay. Give me a clue…
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Another spin on it, if the guessing gets a little too much:
Girl: What do you do for a living?
Guy: Okay – I’ll help you with that one and give you two options: 1) pro skateboarder or 2) something with guitars…
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Need inspiration? See the next step – how to be interesting in online dating!
Be interesting and build rapport – it’s related to step 6 but here you take it further. This is your chance to gently let her know that you’re active, that you do sports, that you have success and that women like you.
IF the conversation runs dry, then don’t be shy to throw something completely new in there. I have found that in online dating, saying one of the following will often result in a fun conversation and you being more interesting:
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Juicebar routine:
Guy: Hey, all that normal talk makes me sleepy – I think it’s time you and me we move on. Let’s take the big step – let’s get a juice bar in the Caribbean! You will handle the juice and I’ll hang out on the beach with the sign pointing towards the juice bar. Deal?
Girl: WHAT?! No way – YOU can do the juices and I’ll do the tanning!!!
Guy: Haha, we gotta make a plan – maybe take turns living the healthy life/ living the good life? blablabla
And so on. Another great little trick for online dating is this one:
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Bank robbery opener
Guy: Hey, I actually wanted to ask you something. Do you have a driver’s license?
Girl: Uhm yea, why?
Guy: Here’s the deal – I’m robbing a bank with a friend and the driver just bailed… you in if you get the share the driver should have had?
Girl: eerrrrrr – how much?
Guy: 2%
Girl: hahaha, I want 5… bla bla bla
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This is GOLD – and she’ll think you’re really fun and interesting. Perfect for online dating . At this point, you could ask her out – but take one step back and build rapport, meaning finding stuff you have en common to make her feel comfortable around you. Remember, online dating still make some girls feel a bit insecure so help her feel okay with you first.
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Need inspiration building raport?
Building rapport in online dating can be extremely hard. You have to feel “in sync” with a person who has only seen pictures of and you haven’t even heard their voice. This not easy!
What you can do is – you can go read her profile. Check her pages and her information. If she likes to take pictures then don’t mention it directly but mention casually during the conversation that you “really like to go to art shows and especially photography has always interested me”.
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If she has travelled to Asia often (the “countries I’ve visited” application on Facebook) then mention that Asia is in fact your favorite place on earth. She will get the feeling that you’re perfect for her (and you are!) – and all you’re doing is reading it directly off her profile!
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Here’s a screen shot of, let’s say someone I know’, “info”:
Can you see why Facebook is gold in online dating? Just Google “ben adams biggest hit lyrics” and throw in a quote from that – and she will think you’re a Ben Adams fan and isn’t THAT just amazing and what not!
After that say you kinda like Kings of Leon but that it’s not STRICTLY guitar music for you as you also like eurodance – and she has found her musical soul mate while dating online.
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“Yea, I picked that up when I was travelling through Europe via CouchSurfers, if you know that concept. If not, you should check it out – I have a feeling you would like it”.
Thank you Facebook, you’re making online dating too easy.
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Now it’s time to meet up – it’s time to take it off-line!
That’s actually all there is to online dating:
Open. Be funny. Show that you posses something she wants. Have something in common. And now… you should propose meeting up.
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If everything before that has been as I have described, then she should be dying for you to ask her out by now. Sometimes I wait for her to do it, but you might as well do it yourself and be a man about it .
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“Look, I’m actually free this Friday so how about we meet up and listen to some Kings of Leon in a record store? I’ll bring some coffee” has worked for me before. The important thing is to make it a normal thing to do by proposing to do something you know she likes. If she says “no” I think the problem is either having moved too fast to asking her out – or having not established rapport.
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I have found that some girls find it a bit weird meeting up with a stranger from online dating via Facebook – so I normally say:
“Hi! Wau, nice to finally meet you! AND it seems you’re not a 50 year old serial killer after all – what a nice surprise!”. Nothing fancy but it breaks the ice – and then make a little fun of meeting on Facebook and you’re off to a good start.
This has worked for me… over 50 times. Maybe that’s even closer to 100 – I’ll show you some “real life” examples by running through a little “case study” talking about the Facebook girls I’ve meet. And how I did it;-).